Conflicts in companionship
Have we ever thought why do we end up questioning a companionship and it's efficiency so often? Let's try and start from basics, I am sure each one of us goes through this phase of life almost at the same frequency, unless we have managed to control our expectations and ego threats that our mind raises more often than ever required. Then what is it that makes one couple stronger than the other?how is it that we see peace in certain families and see others disturbed or surrounded with negativity over similar issues? While a similar issue might be big for one family it might be smaller for others. We should remember that Issues can never be defined as big and small by us, for there can't really be a generic scale to measure them, each one of us have different circumstances around us and we also get affected by an issue depending on our threshold to absorb things at the time of occurance of an issue, it's the magnitude with which we let it impact us that makes an issue: a problem, a big problem or an observation to which a person or people find solution together. At the end what really matters and decides the outcome of an issue is the importance that we give to our loved ones.
While we all keep expressing our love to our companions in one form or the other we often forget a strongest form of expressing love, which is not to hurt back our companion when something has hurt us. While we keep saying each other that we respect each other equally A sad truth is that this is inversely proved in times of conflict. Where we often go wrong is, in making generic statements and making the person feel little, while each one of us have our positives we also carry negatives along, at times we end up responding to certain situations negatively because we are under the influence of fear of the outcomes, or we don't really intend to create stress in other persons life. Manipulation of things and speaking lie is a common trait that can be observed in many scenarios where our extreme loved ones are involved, for we hardly care for people with whom we are not emotionally attached and hence prefer being blunt, it is not that we mean to be dishonest to our loved ones but it is because we are too scared of any possible negative impact of an issue. While its easy to say that we should always speak the truth we should also try and understand the reason that lead to manipulation or lie. Having been said this each one of us should try to be as transparent as possible, Each one of us have our own fears but we rarely express them, some of us chose to live with them and some of us try hard to fight them out, but the truth is that not always can we fight all our fears alone. At times we need more than words and moral support to fight our fears, while these necessarily include supporting actions but these are often to be supported by emotional support and reiterating the positives at regular intervals.
What we often forget is that every relationship needs constant nurturing and one important part to keep a relationship strong is to not question it's existence in every challenging situation that we face . While we believe that we are companions we should also accept that companions collectively share there positives and negatives, when we go to an extend of saying that our companion is no one different from us as an individual we should also remember that when we start questioning ourselves very often, we lose confidence and self respect for ourselves, this is when we become weak and can easily get influenced with circumstances around and the enemy that sits right within all of us, 'our ego', hence itbis a good practice to keep expressing confidence in a relationship.
Like love is a natural phenomena of heart, ego is a natural outcome of a negative state of mind, the negativity that we generate impacts us first before impacting others. Always remember that as we discover a new self every time with a new challenge we also discover a new stage of companionship with a new challenge, like we don't like talking about our failures and negatives we shouldn't pin point our companionship at every new challenge. The reason is simple, we didn't chose a companion on basis of the rating that s(he) scored in our desirable list. We chose to be companions with the ones with whom we could be our selves and share both our perfections and imperfections.
Every relationship would have certain weaknesses but it is for us together, to rule them out and be ready for a new challenge together rather than finding new reasons to question our relationship and our decision, it will take us few words to question our decision but it took us moments of various permutations and combinations to see ourselves as an individual and an integrated one. We can spend lifetime questioning everything around us and we can spend the same life time growing together. Every Single day lost in negative emotions and silence takes us a day behind in growth of us as companions, and the moments that we could have added to life.
Wishing all a companionship that is lived more often, for we are the parents of it and parents never leave their children, irrespective of the way a child behaves.
Manisha Dawar